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It would be wrong to suggest that only men seethe at golf-trip partners. Women also fall prey, and it usually strikes in the Venetian breadbasket: conversation. Neatness and order are also big. Jennifer Munro, her friend Joy and two other South Carolina women are on a trip to Florida. Joy has chosen to ride only with Jennifer for a very specific reason: The other two women leave golf balls loose in the glove boxes of their carts, the balls roll around and make noise as the carts move, and Joy can''t stand it. But Jennifer is no picnic, either. She''s a decent golfer and tries to help Joy feel better. One day Jennifer''s chatting begins to sound like those golf balls. "As usual, I was trying to cheer her up after a few bad shots and said something about her swing as we drove along," says Jennifer. Joy stopped the cart. Today, for better and for worse, our gender behaviors are knit so closely into the weave of societal expectations, our individual expectations as parents, and a child''s personal taste and biology, that none of us can pick it apart. In the 1970s, feminists were interested in giving dolls to boys in order to feed their nurturing side; as a feminist in the 1990s, I love seeing Riley nurture his front loaders -- they fall down, bump their heads, get kisses, eat, nurse, poop on the floor. I do not feel remiss for having "caved in" to the truck gene, as a friend put it the other day. Allowing Riley the room -- and the books, songs, toys, games, and encouragement -- to explore his love for construction machinery has not robbed him of the whole range of complicated emotions making up his psyche.
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